Olympics Joke Of The Day

Courtesy of Mrs Swearbox…though I’m guessing that if you have an email account then you’ve already heard it (or should that be read it ?).

Husband says to wife as he’s ferretting through the mail:

“Excellent ! The Olympics condoms I ordered have arrived…I think I’ll wear Gold tonight.”

To which the wife replies:

“Why not wear Silver and come second for a change ?”     Boom Boom

Not funny I know, I wanted to give you the one about the ten year old boy walking in on his parents while they were having it off but I’ll save that one for another time.

Anyway, enough of the digressions and on to the day in hand and what a day in store.  Literally nothing doing that I can be bothered to get excited about with the exception of the Man Utd game and possibly the Stuttgart v Barca game though my betting day has already been underway for some hours.  One of my dogs got me up at stupid o’clock this morning to be let out so while she was doing her business I checked in on Betfair and having done a bit of research last night before bedtime I elected to lay the 0-0 half time score in the Kashima Antlers game which, at the time of checking out on Betfair, was only 17 minutes old (so that would be 5.17 am here in Canada).  I left the computer and let the dog back in and went back to bed to be awoken less than 2 hours later by two more dogs wanting to be let out.  Immediately before they woke me I had been dreaming about the Kashima game and how, in the last minute of the first half, the home team fired the ball through a crowded penalty box to break the deadlock.  I let the mutts out and checked out the final score (I like to use xscores) and saw that the final score was 1-0, the goal coming in the 42nd minute.  I’m claiming that as proof positive that I can see into the future, even though they scored a couple of minutes before my dream said they would, and I will be adding a Paypal link to the blog soon where mugs can send me money in exchange for information via my clairvoyant like wormhole to the future.

Moving on….I fancy goals in both games but I’m more drawn to the United game as, since I woke up, I’ve had a gut feeling that this game will end 3-0 or 3-1 so I intend to start by dutching those scores from the off and hopefully being green in all the right places come fulltime (plus any added Fergie time that may be needed…then again, if Fergie time is required it won’t be 3-0 or 3-1 at the end).  I will also be laying the 0-0 half time score and I’m actually surprised that it’s trading so low right now but I’ll give it ten or fifteen minutes to give the price a chance to tumble a bit more. 

As for the Barca match I’m thinking over 2.5 but I’m not keen on the skinny odds and am prepared to wait a while before I go in.  That’s pretty much it for now, stand by for an update later.

UPDATE>>>>>>>>> A pleasing afternoon’s work began with a lay of the 0-0 half time score in the Barca match which was on Setanta.  I watched the first 15 minutes then turned up the volume so I could hear the commentary and looked for a feed for the Man U match.  I placed my bets on the correct scores of 3-0 and 3-1 and with the Chinese commentary turned off I watched the game whilst listening to the Barca match on the TV in the room next door.

After Barca went a goal down I lost interest in that match as the 0-0 lay had come in so I turned my attention to Old Trafford.  The price for 0-0 at half time here had skyrocketed since I last looked and though I don’t like laying at much over 3.0 there are times when you just have to bite the bullet and hope you’re right.

It took United 34 minutes to figure out where the West Ham goals were situated after a fierce shot from Darron Gibson was pushed just past the post by a fully outstretched Robert Green and thereafter was only a matter of time before United found the net.  The first goal came after a brilliant move where the Lazy Bulgarian flicked out wide to Valencia who side foot volleyed the ball back into the box where Wayne Rooney dipped his head down to waist height to power the ball into the net.

Another headed goal by Rooney was followed up by a Michael Owen smash and grab job in the second half and it was game over.  At 2-0 I layed the score and I had to fret a while with a 73 quid exposure if that third one didn’t come.  At 3-0 I layed the score to ensure at least a 50 quid profit whatever the result though I really did want West Ham to score as that would have netted me 170.

All in all a very good day with a bank increase of around 38%.  There are more in play games left but I think I’ll be sensible and give them a swerve.  Spready below.

Start Bank      :    211.38
End Bank        :    291.35
Profit / Loss    : + 79.97 (After Commission)

Advertisements

2 Responses to Olympics Joke Of The Day

  1. kokoooooooo says:

    awesome stuff and great prediction 🙂 I could sense goals in Man U game. Thanks for adding me, very entertaining blog you have
    Cheers and keep it up

  2. Edgehunters says:

    Good Stuff Swearbox

    Excellent call on the Manu match.

    Keep it up

    Mark

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: